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Okay, so what’s up with the title?  Must-stash?  Mustache?  Well, it’s a super simple concept.  Every single week of the NFL season, it seems there is someone else worth stashing on your roster.  Whether it’s due to injury, skill level, opportunity, there is always someone worthy of our fantasy attention.

But!

On the flip side of that, there are always some names that are complete fakes.  They’re wearing a really creepy looking mustache trying to look cool, old and mature, or like they’re actually competent at football.

Well, I’m here to help you to sift through the upper lip facial follicles to find someone actually worthy of your roster spot.  And to help point out that running back with the creeper stache of course.  The mix of players will change from week to week, but most of the time we’ll be looking at running backs and wide receivers.  It seems with those positions you never know when someone’s the real Burt Reynolds, or they’re actually a stunning look-alike carnival worker who’s secretly going to kill your team in week 4 with a big fat goose egg.

Anyway, now that you’re thoroughly creeped out, let’s begin.

 

Running Backs

Must-Stashes

Charles Sims (Tampa Bay Buccaneers) – Come on guys and gals.  Charles Sims finished inside the top 24 in PPR last year with a healthy Doug Martin alongside him.  This year he’s already shown his role in Tampa hasn’t gone anywhere.  He’s barely owned in 50% of leagues on Yahoo, and still hovering in the 60s on ESPN.  Sims has got jukes for days, a steady role on a good offense, and will be a solid flex play for PPR consistently.

Chris Thompson (Washington Redskins) – If you’ve been listening to the @DynastyLifePod at all you already know how I feel about Matt Jones but I’ll bring everyone else up to speed.  He’s bad.  Chris Thompson is by no means an elite in-between-the-tackles guy, but he, like Sims, has a prominent role on his team.  In fact, Monday night against Pittsburgh, he out snapped Matt Jones 36 to 19 according to Pro Football Focus.  Snatch this guy up already.  He may not be a trustworthy weekly play, but on bye weeks you’ll be thanking him (especially in PPR).

James White (New England Patriots) – Yeah, I know.  Patriots running backs have burned us in the past.  Surely James White’s little pathetic mustache that he totes along with his want-to-be beard is a dead giveaway right?  Wrong.  The game script against The Cardinals was more Blount this week, but that can and will change.  Near the end of last year, Belichick used James White well.  In PPR he was a stud at times, and he was flex-worthy in standard formats.  Don’t drop someone who’s very good for White, but trust me, his poor little mustache doesn’t do his fantasy potential justice.

 

Mustaches

Travaris Cadet (New Orleans Saints) – Okay, Travis.  Now you’re just being a hypocrite.  You mention three scat backs and leave out Cadet?  Yes.  Just give me a minute.  The last time we saw Cadet do something relevant before Sunday was 2014.  Weeks 4-6 that year he scored double-digit fantasy points (in PPR).  However, he never once had more than 7 touches in a game.  He had 4 this Sunday that he took for a combined 15 yards.  On a day where Drew Brees threw the ball 42 times Cadet caught 3 balls.  If he didn’t score the touchdown we don’t even need to have this conversation.  He’s basically the Zappa mustache (if you don’t know what that is, look it up).  It’s cool to paint on your face for Halloween your sophomore year of college.  It’s not so cool to have it on your fantasy team.

The Oakland Raiders Running Backs – Yes, all of them.  Latavius has been sporting an athletic-looking (if that’s possible) handlebar mustache for a bit whilst limping forward for 4.0 yards per carry for a while now.  However, on Sunday the Raiders communicated once again with their snap count that Murray’s role is far from set in stone.  Four other running backs carried the ball on Sunday.  Olawale had the vulture TD.  DeAndre Washington worked some passing downs and ran the rock five times.  Jalen Richard exploded for an impressive touchdown run as well.  Latavius is still the guy right now, but even if one of the other mustaches earn a significant role it won’t be one to be trusted on a consistent basis.

Andy Janovich (Denver Broncos) – He’s a fullback who ran for a long TD.  That’s a creeper stache if I’ve ever seen one.  I hope he kept that ball.  It may be the only touchdown run of his career.

 

Wide Receivers

Must-Stashes

Will Fuller (Houston Texans) – Okay, so there’s not a great chance this guy is out there.  He’s already in owned in 50% or more of ESPN and Yahoo leagues.  But!  If he is out there go grab him.  These aren’t your older brother’s Texans.  Yes, Lamar Miller got his 28 carries.  They’re still going to run the ball.  However, Fuller got 11 targets as a rookie in week 1.  That’s not a very common occurrence.  It seems that Brock Osweiler already trusts the rookie.  I don’t like Fuller as a consistent play but as a bye week boom or bust flex play that can score deep at any time?  Yes, please.

Eli Rogers (Pittsburgh Steelers) – If you saw his ridiculous touchdown this Monday night you may think that Eli is a fluke.  Wrong.  Roethlisberger (you know that guy that throws him the ball?) called him potentially the best slot receiver he’s had in Pittsburgh.  He flashed some of that potential against the Redskins.  When he runs across the middle it’s easy to mistake him for Antonio Brown just by how he runs.  He’s quick in and out of breaks and is not afraid to work the inside or outside of the field.  Pick him up while you still can.

Nelson Agholor (Philadelphia Eagles) – Agholor really struggled as a rookie causing many to abandon him in year two.  In week 1 he already flashed some of what he was able to do back at USC.  He wins against press coverage.  He knows how to work against the zone.  Plus, if Ertz misses much time with injury Agholor has the potential to lead the team in targets for a few weeks.  Let’s see if he can be a second-year breakout player.

 

Mustaches

Mike Wallace (Baltimore Ravens) – If you’ve played fantasy for long, you know what Mike Wallace is.  He’s The Flash with a long curly super villain mustache that actually interferes with his catching ability.  We know what he is.  He’s a boom or bust WR past his prime who will be battling with way too many other options on his own team to be consistently relied upon.

Chris Hogan (New England Patriots) – Many people on fantasy football Twitter (a land full of impeccable reason and hot takes, by the way) love them some Chris Hogan.  The problem is that Chris Hogan’s just a little Hitler mustache in the pie of receiving targets (yeah, that’s a gross metaphor, deal with it) in New England.  Sure he had a high snap count in week 1, but once Gronk is back in the mix, that offense is going to run differently.  It’ll be the two monster tight ends, Edelman and whichever receiving back Belichick flipped a coin for that day.

Davante Adams (Green Bay Packers) – 21 targets in a single game for only 79 yards.  That’s the horrid inefficiency that Adams was capable of last season.  He made a great play for a score on Sunday against the young and untested Jaguars defense.  Don’t let that fool you.  He’s a questionable flex play at best from here on out.  Randall Cobb and Jordy Nelson will be eating consistently.  Davante will not.

 

Tight Ends

Must-Stashes

Dwayne Allen (Indianapolis Colts) – The injury bug and Coby Fleener have suppressed the real upside of Allen for far too long.  On Sunday he began to show a little of what he can do as he grabbed 4 passes for 53 yards and a touchdown.  He shouldn’t be less than 50% owned, but somehow that’s still the case in ESPN leagues.  Change that.

Austin Seferian-Jenkins  (Tampa Bay Buccaneers) – Part of this endorsement is the hope that I am jinxing him.  You may have missed it this summer, but ASJ is an idiot.  He temporarily lost his starting job and embarrassed himself thoroughly.  Yes, he only grabbed one ball this week, but it was for a 30-yard touchdown.  He can make plays on the field if he avoids being an idiot off of it.  Many owners are scared of his uncertain role.  Pick him up before he really takes it back.

Honorable Mentions – Virgil Green, Vance McDonald

Mustaches

Jack Doyle (Indianapolis Colts) – Jack is an uninspiring talent who accidentally caught two touchdowns on three catches Sunday.  He is nowhere near the talent level of Coby Fleener which, by the way, is not a compliment even if he was. Jack will quickly fade.  Don’t take the bait.  Allen is the TE to own in Indy.

Larry Donnell (New York Giants) – Picture the typical mid-life crisis “I just bought a motorcycle” dad mustache.  That’s Larry Donnell.  He runs like a dad, blocks like a dad, and even catches with the grace of a dad reliving his glory days through backyard football games against his middle-school-age sons.  That’s probably a little harsh, but Donnell is the second best tight end in New York.  Will Tye (another potential stash), his teammate, had more targets.  This is a guy I’m not touching.

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That’s all for this week, folks.  Until next time, happy hunting for those must-stashes, and avoid the mustaches.  Find me on Twitter @FF_TravisM if you have an issue with my stance on mustaches or for literally any other reason at all.

He’s married to his beautiful wife, Kelsey. Purdue University Class of 2011. Boiler Up! Lives in Nashville, TN. Titans fan (sympathetic gifts accepted). Works on music row by day. Writes about fantasy football by night. He plays club ultimate frisbee because it’s awesome. He longboards to work because he can. Find him on Twitter @FF_TravisM.

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